Yesterday was C’s birthday. She barely talked to me all day and didn’t even “like” my post I put on Facebook with our picture and me saying happy birthday to my best friend. I know she had a ton of work to do and was crazy busy, but I think she’s just one of those people who doesn’t like their birthday. I didn’t get to see her yesterday, so I got together with her the day before and gave her the gifts I got for her and bought her Starbucks.
The day we did that was the day after the whole debacle with J, so it was very strained and I really feel like it wasn’t the celebration we were hoping for. I was pretty distant and not as happy and flirty as I normally am. I’m sure she felt it. But what am I supposed to do? Act like my feelings weren’t hurt and my heart isn’t broken? I don’t do this mad thing very well. But honestly, the homophobic remarks she made cut like a knife and part of me thinks that getting over her might be a little easier because of them. Even if she made the comments from a state of self-shame, I am so disappointed that she would even say anything to that effect.
But she did love all of the gifts I got for her and posted every single one on Facebook that night and tagged me in them. Although I do sort of wonder if she did that for J’s benefit, you know? She’s not a big Facebook poster, so it was sort of out of character and I wondered if she might be trying to make J jealous. I don’t know anymore. I hate even having to wonder if there was motive behind it. I shouldn’t have to worry about crap like that with my own best friend.
I messaged her this morning and we chatted for a little bit and then she didn’t message me this afternoon. So I messaged her again in the evening and she finally messaged me back a little later. I had a really long day at work today and sort of wanted to vent, but right when I said something, she was saying goodnight. She told me a minute later that I could call her if I wanted, but I said it was fine and I knew she needed to work. I think she felt bad because she told me to call her again. So I did. And we talked for 2 and a half hours. I told her about work then we were talking about nothing and everything like normal.
I just don’t understand her some days.
Most days.
She’s simple like Quantum Physics.
unicornsandrainbowdreams 